When the lights are turned down low

In the past few weeks I felt so tired, weak though I'm always at home bumming around the four corners of my room. My mind is currently mixed up & drained -- literally.
I don't know what I'm gonna do first in order to make myself more productive, less slow-moving turtle. Technically, I need a massive effort in which I'm the only one, myself can solve this kind of dillema.

Reality check: Time is running -- tic-tac-tic-tac

Je suis de...

I try to know by heart every second of it. Love & embrace it.
Who knows you might go somewhere & you find it hard to go back, again.

J'avais amusement.

I 'used' to be his snail..

It was Sunday afternoon, 2 slices of cake & 6 tequila shots when I got his sms. It's been a month since the last time we talked.
When I first read the message I thought someone got wrong send because there was no name registered in my phone. And when I double checked the number, voila! I faint. Ahaha! I think it's just a Hey-Im-still-breathing message. I missed his hilarious grim face with dots on his right cheeks. Ha! And those nights when he's drunk & phone me. Our days were based on fantasy. I want to believe on it but half of it was pseudo.

xo

Lets take a walk..

with your coy smile.
Put memories & toss it together with sunset.

To see your breath as it paints against the sky

Finally, I got time to take photos from A's camera. Sweet.
I adore out of focus city lights.

"So have you been to a place like this?
To see your breath as it paints against the sky
The fever is near
I wish you were here."

So I went to A house last night & decided to stay there for a night because we haven't seen each other for ages. We catch things up over 2 cups of coffee & patatine. Pretty odd. We missed our late night talks. Its 5:20am & my fucking eyes are shutting down.

xo

We are running out of time

Just a lil update. In the past two weeks I shopped a lot even though the economy is in pain. Ahaha!
But still, I need a pair of shoes but I'm thinking which one will I'm goin to buy. Any suggestion?
I'm soo stoked for this week happenings!!!! Friends reunited, again. Fancy resto. Dressed to kill. Cocktails & Anne's camera. Ahaha!
Tomorrow, I'll spend quality time with my best friend & helping her to buy clothes for the after-party on Sunday. See you all there, bitches.

Today is the 25th Wedding Anniversary of my parents. Silver, baby. Twenty five years of ups & downs. Aww.

Since everything is moving fast & like you're dragging yourself away for some reason, I'm trying to see Carrie B ., her cosmo & have some goody times every night. xD
Oh & I'm not liking the new Macbook. I know its sleek & they upgrade it but the black thingy is not good at my sight. It makes me puke.

Kbye!

I'm wired but he said you're tired.

As I ran deeply with my lower mental state, craving for something you can't have pissed me off.
Right now, I'm sitting; my bare feet are on the chair whilst my chin is leaning on my knee.
I want to slit my throat down the abdomen area, uncover & pull my skin off (give the fucking skin to Marc Jacobs & make a bag for me), break the ribs & get my heart & put in the oven.
Viola! Perfect meal for Mr. Fucktard. Buon Appetito! (Stop raising your eyebrows or I'll get my razor & never think twice to razor it, dopehead) I was trying to make the game more playful. Entertaining.

My insanity leveled up tonight which my thoughts are crushing into an extreme variety. Spit.

Jose Cuervo, kipnap me with all my grilled heart. Bring salt-ish & lemon-ish with you!
Ransom: 11.75 euros. Fun: Priceless.

xo

I'm just impolite.

Basically, wandering every second with a pocketful of words trying to kill the conclusion.

Maybe.

So I'm engaged to smile

I'm officially keeping myself away from being vulnerable but still, I'm human. I'm tired of saying "I'm OK" with fraud smile.
Reality check: I've been stuck in amorous game. Pretty absurd. It was fast. I never hold back & believed in every fancy words. Hence be alert on it. If not, another dilemma & uncontrollable emotions. So right now, I'm trying to reinvent myself in my own lil way. After all there are sort of feelings I can't explain. Great one.


P.S.: I have a new zebra print blanket. Rawr. Oh & I'm gonna update my photo blog tomorrow, if I'm not lazy.

xo

it takes time to be a SMART ass

Sunny beautiful Sunday afternoon, I met up with my frans to go to the launching day of Smart P. I saw some of my frienemies screaming to death when Gerald & Kim started to sing. For the record, it was a lip synch. Ahaha! Disgusting. Charms texted me to see her that day & we have a lil rendevous. Its been a while since the last time I saw her. It was a great day. It sum up: Lame people, gelato, camwhore & lame people, again.


Last night I had a very weird feeling & I had nothing to talk to. --- Can he disappear in my mind in just a snap? Yea, the one that I've been trying to ditch & to see him be miserable. Bullshit! So, I try to entertain myself & watch What Happens in Vegas. Man, It was a great laugh. I really laughed so hard.

These shits SAVE & BETRAYED me at same time. Fuck, Hangover!

xo

22:14

Letter 1

Good morning, on July 07


My thoughts go out to you, my Immortal Beloved
I can live only wholly with you or not at all -
-Be calm life, my all. Only by calm consideration of
our existence can we achieve our purpose to live together.
Oh continue to love me, never misjudge the most faithful
heart of your beloved.

Ever thine.
Ever mine.
Ever ours.

-Beethoven